Flailing in a Sea of Cs….and the water’s rising, folks, except where it isn’t

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Photo by Geof Wilson, in a story about the recent tar sand oil and brine spills up North, contaminating the waters

I wrote a comment to a friend the other night. In short, (which said a lot, really), it stated: Aiming for Contentment and Challenge, and curious as to how they’ll get along. In quite a wonderful response, worthy of Queenie status, I got back: I see Contentment and Challenge to be very compatible, as long as you are the one choosing BOTH.

Couldn’t have said it better myself.

I was in a pretty fine place. My current path, I figured, should I choose to ascend to it, involved first two, and then three Cs: Commitment, Change and Challenge. And yes, The Contentment thing will surely follow dutifully right along if the others are honored properly. Immediately another C raised its head, as previously documented: Choice. What’s with all these Cs anyway?

And then yet another made its way to the fore, demanding attention: Conflicted.

I want to write about me, my process, my upward spiraling, (see previous post where I talked about Narcissism in writing), my adventures in attaining my reborn dreams, but events keep conspiring to get me off on other tangents. From my viewpoint, (and as stated, it doesn’t take much to discern from which side of the aisle I beseech), the last major election put a few more nails in our coffins. I’m not sure we’re not already sealed in and breathing our last, though perhaps still not aware of that, or in serious denial. For many the quick retort to such a statement is: Duh, wha? as they toddle along on their merry little way with heads full of Bible verses, visions of sugarplums and handguns, and the Lord and Mitch McConnell on their side. Politics seems now to be a game of Contempt (yet another C word) and Conflict. More Cs, more Confliction. Another C – Cooperation? Not so much.

I’m afraid I’m going to be dragging out my soapbox and leaving it in the middle of the room for easy access. In that, I suppose I am fortunate that I do not have one of those jobs where I have to fear speaking what’s left of my mind in cyberprint, for some nosy boss or a sneaking and peeking potential boss to hack around and find out the nature of my being, or at least my politics, and subsequently eliminate me from consideration or current employment.

I started these writings as a venting for a broken heart, hoping to tell a few tales and relate enough entertaining homilies to perhaps help along other likewise wounded beings on the path to a better, less painful place. Though there have been a few fallings back into the ruts, my own healing is fairly well accomplished….especially if I embrace Spinsterhood in this ever mounting collection of years. As I quit spending so much energy on healing my heart, I turn back to the nature of my being and what I love perhaps beyond Love, and that is Nature itself – my planet – this earth which sustains us – until it just can’t anymore. And what vast amount of healing it needs. This goes beyond hurting my heart, it hurts my very soul.

Looking around the Universe, it seems highly likely that other planets once held life until the Big One asteroid got them, or like we seem wont to do, the inhabitants destroyed their own dollhouse. I ascribe to the mindset that we are NOT the only beings in the entirety of All That Is, (Really? Could anyone really believe that – that we are it?), and that we surely could have been visited and even influenced by others who spin around the galaxy and laugh or cry over us and our antics. A few clicks around the internet and you are inundated with conspiracy theories galore, and after a while, even the craziest make as much sense as what we are doing to ourselves here, right now, as we kill our planet as fast as our technology and benumbed senses can manage it. I went far afield and listened to fantastical stuff about reptilian aliens being the source of it all, to their benefit, and governments were in Collaboration with it all. (Another C. Good grief.) No matter what the source, it appears we’re heading headlong into the abyss.

Many books have been written about what’s going on, how it’s too late here and forget about it there, or maybe, if we start 30 years ago, we have a chance to turn it all around. Survival might somehow be possible, and we should educate ourselves. Some that have been highly recommended by equally qualified sources are: This Changes Everything by Naomi Klein, and Craig Child’s Apocalyptic Planet. (Thanks to JCH for the recommendations.) These are not going to be fun reads. However, only last night I watched a climate change denier poo poo any such ideas, with ridiculous comparisons to “science said this and that before,” and wah, wah, wah…it hasn’t happened, and this warming earth they claim is nonsense…..and I wanted to throw things at the television. OK, so go drink that water up in North Dakota then, and out of the Yellowstone River. Please.

That brings also the matter of, ahem, the News. Lately it is chock full of the latest disasters falling upon the water sources that feed all our thirsts and the crops we need to survive. Demon oil trumps all, while other power opportunities are pushed to back of the bus, or buried. (Not unlike those who fought for their rights in this country 50 years ago, and STILL do. That’s yet another diatribe about racism, voter suppression and gerrymandering. Sigh.) The news, if you can get it without additives and spin and malevolent purposes, is a necessary evil. We need enough of it to act and choose wisely, but it is way too easy to overdose, go limp and catatonic in the face of such realities. Can one read Childs’ book and stay abreast of the news and not go insane, or fatalistically depressed? Check with me later – I’ll be under the covers, hiding.

I am in a rant mentality. I am disturbed and frustrated. I’m too old and tired to march anymore, and WTF good does it do anyway. Hey, I (and all my likeminded compatriots) were RIGHT when we marched up Congress Avenue in 2003, and sure enough there were no WMDs and the war was bogus and misguided, intentionally so, but very very good for a few who risked nothing and had a lot of profit to gain. But NO….. we were nothing, and we were summarily dismissed and ridiculed, and labeled disloyal and anti-American. Same now, we KNOW we’re right, or righteously righteous, and so what. We’re being run over and poisoned and pushed aside, and treated little better than fungus. (Unless perhaps somehow we are truffles. And even then you get eaten.) In fact they’re killing us with Monsanto. How convenient. I am flummoxed. In the end we all DIE. Is the death of the planet and those on it, both animal, vegetable and in between, worth the few years of high living of the few that this heinous activity of war and plunder supports? How much of ENOUGH is just never enough? No way to get my little head around it. I find some comfort in supposing that if Reincarnation and Karma are the real deal, and these bozos come back to what’s left of this planet, payback’s going to be a bitch.

At what point do you lose your JOY? And at what point in fighting for Beauty do you lose yourself in the battle? Babies are still being born and their parents live in and with Hope, and unless they are starving, they have no idea how fouled the waters are, and how many trees are lost. They are happy to be loved. Those who walk with the weight of the world become stoop shouldered and very poor company. Where is the balance? Do we take small comfort in the little victories in the midst of a tide of darkness? I know that Life is about the NOW. I know that. No guarantees of any sort about any tomorrows, and the plane might fall out of the sky on your very own just completed dream house. Such atrocities and calamities of every flavor are delivered regularly. So how do I condemn those who are indeed living all big and bad in their Nows, but at the expense of the tomorrows of even their own descendants? It is indeed madness. Or is it just me, spinning in my own rut. (I have told you my own theory about the off world planet they’ve been promised for their part in this mess, haven’t I? Oh but I digress…or maybe not.)

I just wish we weren’t so distracted and could care more. And Do. And Help. And in the end, just BE. That shouldn’t be too much to ask. I’m going to go outside and look for a lizard in the sun, and see if he has any connections. Probably not – too far removed from the evil source that spawned the others. Not even a cousin, light years removed. He and me will eye each other and give way on the path, give thanks for the sun, and be grateful for the warmth and our shadows on this beautiful day.

Aho. Peace. And WAKE UP, please. And don’t CAPITULATE. (Had to end with a C, didn’t I?)

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