Boyfriends Aweigh!

The jury appears to be in. Finally, after dispensing with the middle man, I was able to talk to the owner of the Bad Boyfriend Printer Repair.

Sidebar: It is here that I must confess my sins. I have been remiss in writing Queenie Blogs and have succumbed to the siren call of Facebook, where I have entirely too much of a presence – at least compared to my journalistic exploits when I sit myself down to write a blog entry.

So my FB friends are aware of the tales of the Bad Boyfriend Printer and his less than stellar performance, and that he was subsequently shipped out to determine if he were curable. Like all things in medicine and psychoanalysis – while they, (you know, them they), tell us what they would expect to be the best outcome in various precarious situations requiring surgery or analysis, or repair, they are sure to throw in all the unaccounted for unknowns, (think Donald Rumsfeld if your brain and conscience will allow you to do such a thing), and then you must agree to the fact that any repair or treatment is not guaranteed, exactly, or that it might fail….later. Or maybe even right then. Also sort of like hearing all the possible side effects of any and every drug advertised these days….fatality is always an option. So No Thank You in that department. But I digress….

All that said, a current dilemma is the misbehavior of my printer – quite the necessary accoutrement if one is attempting to make some manner of living by printing such a thing as photographs. I allowed as to how the recent spate of poor service in the form of inferior and unacceptable prints could no longer be tolerated, and the line was drawn. Of course I had to take him for consultation and possible repair. Far apart and few between are the “boyfriends” who have volunteered to accompany me, (or get themselves to) help of whatever variety might be needed. For some, counseling; for others, treatment maybe. Counselors were indeed one time seen, and Dr. Phil was even watched. Nothing really helped, in the end.

It has come to much the same end with my Bad Printer Boyfriend. They think they know what’s wrong, and they can likely fix it, but it will take about $400 of ink, on top of the repair, so maybe $800 give or take. Well Howdy Doody, I can get a brand spankin’ new Boyfriend Printer, all virgin-like and trainable for about $1200…. So what would YOU do? He would even come with a warranty! Well, for a while anyway – one hopes long enough to get the kinks out and see what we’ve got with the new blood.

What we seem to have currently is a “failure of the printerhead,” and I’m thinking it doesn’t get much more serious than that. But I was told that printerheads are really tough and durable, at least in most cases, and that with a TON of new ink to use, they could drain him, soak him, ream him out, purge him, and he might be all better. I think it sounds kinder to put him down and get a new contender. Besides, he can donate all his still good inkblood to his successor. He can go down a hero, generous to the end. And maybe even stored for future transplants, who knows. A respectable obit.

Bad Boyfriend Printer was, and I do give him his propers, just the best thing for the longest time. He has performed admirably, for many years now, and was very, very good, till he wasn’t anymore. I’m at a point in my life where bad behavior just can’t be tolerated, and so….Off with his Printhead! He had plenty of chances, I promise. I spent so much money on ink while trying to cure him with Nozzle Checks and even, at the end, some sort of Full Monty Power Cleanse that took even more ink….but no. It was not to be. Printhead failure. Alas. Not even Cialis can fix that.

So Boyfriend Aweigh it is…. Like Anchors Aweigh! Cast off for new and exciting shores and adventures. I’m gettin’ me a Brand New Boyfriend Printer, no miles on him, no baggage, all fit and proper for me to ruin him as I can. A younger, newer model, too! I bet his printhead works just fine. Of course I’m having to BUY him, but luckily I have more credit than pride.

 

Printer Hole

Here is the hole where my old boyfriend printer used to live. The new one will have to occupy the same space, though I’m going to clean and scrub and disinfect and burn sage so that he’ll think he’s my first, and not just a replacement – easily obtained, perhaps quickly forgotten like the ones before….after all they did for me, for so long.

Onward we go. This new one, what shall his numbers be? Will he travel safely, arriving undented, unshaken, and in unsullied printhead perfection? Will I love him as I loved his predecessor….as long as I could? Ah, a girl can but dream.

I’ll do my best to stay away from FB, at least in the telling of Queenie Tales. I must get my readership back up, (such as it is), lest my minions think I have crossed over…(to FB).

Stay tuned, y’all. Queenie’s back in town.

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2 Responses to “Boyfriends Aweigh!”

  1. Kathleen Marie Says:

    Great post Lex. Your writing is so entertaining and artistic. You really do need to write a book.

    My printer is broke too. Have not had time to do anything about it yet.

    I’m back from the Masters and had a good show, finally. Not as good as last year but with the way things have been going, I’m very grateful for what I got. Now I will have some time to catch up with life stuff before Ruidoso and also get some new art done. I sold the spider and Cheetah Rising (the close up of her face), and a small bison original and several prints. I had a return client from last year that bought those 3 originals! He is a fan for sure.

    Love you

    Kathleen Marie

    http://www.kathleenmariestudio.com

    830-868-0335

    • Queenie Says:

      ‘Bout time! Congrats and well deserved. Glad to see something’s right in ArtWorld.

      Yes…that book….it’s on the list.

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