Moving On – Aiming for Onward

My goodness.  Christmas has been exhausting.  Even exhilarating leads to exhausting after a while.  Emotions have been running high, as they are wont to do in the madness that is the holiday season.  Queenie has been involved in being quite responsible during “the season,” following the artist’s life, and in such my bliss I suppose, but having attained a certain age it just plain gets down to the bone.  I think I may have launched my book tour, and may I say that my precious little project has been very well received, and for that I am grateful.  It was the strangest thing, when I started this Heart Project, that I never feared of tackling too much, and I totally believed in it from the very first thought of it.  Things fell into place so easily when I finally got the right direction on it that it was downright amazing.  When it was going to be a calendar, (my first conception), it just wouldn’t come together.  Too this, too that, not happening, bad communications….. dead ends.  But from the moment I switched my concept to a book – Shazam!  The magic just tripped over itself to get to me.  Not that it didn’t involve steady work, dedication, and following up and tending to the birth, but it was just that – a pregnancy – and I birthed myself a little book.  Imagine that – a mother, at my age!  The tabloids will have a feast with this one.  Oh the pity – I’m afraid Queenie is still off their radar.

It appears that Timing, along with Location, really are part of the equation of success, but nothing happens without believing in what you are doing.  I’ve just seen it happen, been a part of it, and it was a marvelous experience.  Now, what can I do next?  What do I want to do next?  Because, evidently I’m somehow successful in pulling off the things I really want to do – the ones I believe in……..in certain circumstances.

So here comes the question that percolates to the pondering parts of my brain – why couldn’t I “make” it work when it came to the business of my heart?  I obviously know that the most pertinent part of the situation is that it involved another person – a soul with just as much individuality as mine, and as much baggage brought to the check-in desk.  Certain parts of me are powerful, but I couldn’t do diddly with the outcome on that one.  Nor would I ever want to control another person.  And with what did, or didn’t happen in considering what I desired in my heartspace, the “lesson” I’m dealing with right now is learning how to surrender to that – to accept it – that it wasn’t to be.  And feel at peace about it.  Let me tell you it’s a concept that’s easier considered than actually experienced.  I see it – I know it – I understand it – I honor even the NEED for it, (and I get really on point when it comes to the subject of Need.)  I recognize that it is what has to be, (present tense), and I am indeed walking my talk, even if it feels more so at times that I am crawling it.  No matter I guess, it’s forward motion, and for some of us, all of us, any forward motion is encouraged and gratefully accepted.  What a trip.

It’s an obvious corollary that my heart’s wish (or was it a Fantasy) was just not going to work, (or was better not to), and therefore that’s exactly why it didn’t – somewhat like that calendar.  However, not doing the calendar didn’t hurt nearly as much, or else it’s just a pale comparison to begin with, but the only one I’ve got to illustrate my current enlightenment mode.  Of course I didn’t have nearly as much invested in the calendar, and I was able to let it go rapidly, and then the right thing filled the plate.  What if I’d been as stubborn about “Doing A Calendar” as I was with keeping my heart on that same highway for so long, and not considering other destinations?  I still have lots of conflicts about so many aspects of that journey, and it’s my nature to try to dissect so much of behavior and events.  It seems to have led to head-slamming, which I suppose is why I finally considered some other path, even if I had to walk it alone.  I’m still making peace with Alone,  but getting more familiar with it, maybe even friendly.  Not that I’ve shied away from major life living while being ALONE, and doing quite fine with it, thank you very much, but what I refer to is an aloneness of the Heart, after a meaningful pairing that’s been rent, and that’s a very different critter than the Ego free, Life loving seeker of dreams and adventure that defines who we really are, (or who I am, anyway), and it is something to be dealt with – until it isn’t anymore.  It is my quest however, to deal with it in such a way as to understand why it happened like it did, in order to LEARN and NOT DO THAT AGAIN.  Ouch.

BUT – I have to add that learning from this experience is the fodder that found itself expressed in my book, and I am very proud of what I created.  It’s the journey, stupid.

So now we journey from 2009 into entirely different digits.  2010 – it just looks weird to me.  I’m getting some years on me, and they’re beginning to tell (on me), and time is passing.   Yet I read today in some uplifting words that Time is our friend, and we have all we need.  Well, I don’t know about that…..  I suppose Time will tell, right?  Time is one hell of a concept, worthy of too many pages here, and I’ve already rattled on.  I just wanted to say something else before 2010 actually arrives, and be present, and make a difference, and say…. Thank You.

I have so many wonderful things in my life.  I am grateful.  Thank YOU  who are reading these words.  I hope it makes a difference.

Happy New Year.  Happy New LIfe.

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2 Responses to “Moving On – Aiming for Onward”

  1. Huummm!!
    I’m in the final stages of creating several calendars!
    Is there anything online where I can check out your book?

    Yes, when it’s meant to be one of the principles exercised is the “Law of Least Effort”!!

    Enjoy your journey!

    • queeniesays Says:

      Well, SisterQueen, this Queen has been so involved in ArtWorld that I’m woefully behind in updating my websites, which is now scheduled for uh, January. We’re supposed to have some really cold weather moving in, so it sounds like the ideal time to get that horse on the path, sit in front of the computer for hours, and get all the pics and stories and info into one basket to deliver to my webmistress. (Doesn’t that sound like the strangest term?) So meantime, there isn’t yet a way to “look” at the book, but I’m working on it. It really is nice, and the reviews have been smashing. I could say: Trust me, you won’t be disappointed…… but maybe you’re just looking for ideas for your project.

      I’m writing you personally soon to discuss a lot of things…. so we can talk. And yes, it’s quite a journey. And this part feels pretty danged good.

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