Responsible Manifesting

Lessons, we get these lessons.  And however it’s all put together for us out there in the ethers, it surely feels like we might not get the things we want, but those who claim to know about such things tell us that we get what we need.  I think even the Rolling Stones said that, and I didn’t much pay attention then.  (I was a Beatles girl.)  But even so, I do remember those words, and I’m not sure I wanted to believe the concept.  Like all of us, we want what we want, but I think we owe a little more consideration when we start throwing out those desires and big statements.  A former significant other once told me that I wasn’t what he wanted, but I was what he needed.  I can’t say as I felt too good about that, and his stock went down considerably.

A while back, when I was feeling evidently particularly cocky and more sure of myself than I was used to, I was thinking I was getting on top of things.  Feeling good, forward momentum, all that sort of attitude.  Oh yeah, I’m so much better, I can do this….. and I uttered those fateful words:  Bring It On!  I’m sure it’s been tossed out there by many, likely to do with blood sport or a confrontation of some sort.  (Football and too many sports seem to be of the blood sport variety these days, but that’s another topic.)  In fact, about the only other person I can recall saying it is a certain ex-president, who is not high on my friends list anyway, who with much puffed up arrogance and bravado put out that challenge before he decided to go to “war.”  (Another topic I’ll bypass.)  So having had such a negative response to those words when I’d heard them before, I’m not sure why I came up with such a statement, or invitation – I find it very unlike me, but say it I did.  And then the Universe said, OK, Missy, here ya’ go.  And dang, it was a harder road than I had ever considered, not what I wanted at all.

I didn’t make as much money as I wanted, much less needed from my regular source of such things. That effectively put the kibosh on my much anticipated Road Trip scheduled a bit later.  And I had to cancel another big do, too.  On top of all that, the most precious person in my life was diagnosed with cancer, out of the blue, ka wham.  Way too much drama, too much challenge, not so much fun.  Did I ask for all that?

I say I subscribe to some of the principles, even if they sound like platitudes, that explain that you reap what you sow, you get what you ask for, (You’d better be careful, remember?), and if you but ask, you shall receive.  Well huh.  In the course of time, all things were gotten through.  Everyone survived.  I missed some adventures, but I had other ones.  My precious person is still here.  We made it.  I found out what was really important.

So when I was out walking the dog early this evening in the Back 40, I was thinking about things.  About all this change around me, all this character I’m building, (as if I needed more character to be one), and how I wanted my life to be different – better different, not just different.  I thought about some possibilities floating around in my head, that maybe things could work out in ways I had never imagined.  That I have to relax, do my work, and let the Universe do its work in its own time, not by my demands and insults.  And as I walked in the breezes of the eventide, the land now cooled from the dreadful parch of summer, the sky clear and the sun tinting the clouds, I raised my arms up to the sky and said, Let It Come.

I was struck immediately by the difference in how that felt from my last big discussion with the Universe.  It felt so much better, a surrender instead of a challenge.  A letting be, instead of an Oh yeah?  How different the sound and the feel, from Bring It On, to Let it Come.  One spoken with a clenched fist, the other with arms raised, open hands, open heart.

And of course, somebody already said that, too, in another way.  This time it was the Beatles, and even so, I don’t think I really paid that much attention then, either.  I was too busy with whatever was going on in my fitful life, even if I was a Beatles girl.  Then someone shot John Lennon, and the world seems to keep getting little meaner every day.  How do we keep a soft heart when all around us seems to be steeling itself for what’s coming next, and it’s often hard to not sit in a shell of fear.  It’s crazy out there.

I’m not looking for a fight.  And I’m not giving up, either, and that’s not at all what Surrender is about.  But life’s sort of funny that way.  Everything right in front of us, challenge or surrender, and it’s not about winning or losing, though it sure seems advertised as such these days.  I find myself talking about battles though — Fear vs. Love, Strength vs. Apathy, and the list goes on.  I sound like my own version of a sports coach when I say to Get out there, Live, Try something new, Choose something different, Say YES, Change!  And even though I’m all awash in excitement and promise, I want it to be a transition, not a train wreck.  I want a peaceful, meaningful, accepting surrender, not a capitulation.  I want to Let it In, like the cool breeze of Autumn Equinox.  I want to exhale into softness.  I want to Let It Come.  And hopefully, with a little more gentleness this time, the Universe will deliver to me what I need, and I hope I am pleasantly surprised.

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